A dog's death.
Congratulations, Happywithhislot, you seem to have the intuition.
Continued from Yesterdays Shhhh post.
The plain simple truth is that my wife is happy.
I don't know how old you, but as you get older, you may start to
wonder about the purpose of it all. And that's when having true faith,
is a real advantage. Many years ago, I read a book by Rabbi Avigdor
Miller, and I naively thought his science and proofs against
evolution made lots of sense. As I was more exposed to the world, I
changed my mind.
But, one statement that he made will forever stay with me.
I paraphrase - " What do the evolutionists have to offer the world
other than a dog's death?".
(We'll address the God issue eventually).
In my youth, I did not fully appreciate it. I do now.
Religious Jews put in a lot of effort; and their whole being and sense of values is infused with Yiddishkeit. It also creates a strong sense of purpose. I'm sure everyone at some point in their lives wonders what the heck it's all about. Torah, and other fundamental religions, probably addresses that better than any other philosophies. It forestalls the answer to the future, so no answer is necessary.
When I was child, a Rebbi once said to the class "If I'd be a goy, I'd throw myself off the nearest building. They eat to live and live to eat." Obviously it's not so simple; you don't see hundreds of "goyim" jumping off buildings every day. Most "goyim" live happy productive lives. Maybe because they're also religious. But even those that aren't seem to manage just fine without that carrot at the end of the stick. Or they just have a different carrot.
But take someone who grew up with a strong sense of self connected to an afterlife and religion, and then remove that afterlife. Well, that really opens up a can of worms. At least it does for me.
So let's say I confide in my wife.
It could go one of three ways:
1) My wife totally rejects my way of thinking. So on top of confusion on her part as to how this came about, she's forever disappointed in me. No, LY she won't throw me out as you suggested . (LY, just curious, if you found out your wife or child had Kefira on their mind, would you really throw them out? I doubt it.)
2) My wife stays unconvinced but turns into someone like GH, who seems to be going through endless turmoil in finding his way. Not good. And eventually she'll probably end up as choice 3 below.
3) My wife is sold. Wonderful - So now we've got two depressed individuals.
My wife, like myself, has an enormous stake in the community, family and our social life in general.
Other than a shoulder to cry on, which I could certainly use, there's not much to be gained. I don't want to put my wife through this torment of living a lie.
Of course, one day, I may change my mind.
But right now, I follow my old dictum of one day at a time.
I don't want to give anyone the impression that I'm clinically depressed or anything like that. But the future weighs heavily on my mind. I will have to re-define myself and find a different carrot. The challenge is doing that within the societal and self imposed parameters of OJ observance. I got a big job ahead of me.