Confusion
"And must I now begin to doubt
Who's never doubted all these years"
- Javert in Screenplay - Les Miserables
Ironically, it was on a flight home from Israel, when I tripped over to disbelief. It was really like a bulb coming on, where everything that I had read, suddenly and without warning, just tipped the scales of my mind. Like a see-saw where my life is in perfect balance and someone got off the other side and I went crashing to the ground.
Here I am, somewhat middle-aged, coming upon this crisis of faith. I guess I had the typical reaction, but I don't really know. I remember thinking how unfair this is. After all, anyone coming across this information, in the exact sequence as I had, would definitely come to the same conclusion that I had. I'm pretty certain now, that is not completely accurate. There are different levels of incongruity that people can live with.
The words of Javert came to mind. Someone firm in moral convictions can suddenly see things differently.
Several years later, I came across a tale by, IIRC, Isaac Bashevis Singer where a Rabbi on his deathbed undergoes what I went thru.
I wasn't dying, but I knew my life had changed forever.
8 Comments:
It was really like a bulb coming on, where everything that I had read, suddenly and without warning, just tipped the scales of my mind.
It's really fascinating how the mind works. We have one mental paradigm where we squeeze all the facts we know -- and they all pretty much fit -- and then along comes something which just doesn't fit -- or someone shows us a paradigm which fits better -- and it can all change in an instant.
I think of it sort of like those optical illusions where you can see a vase or two heads, except that the picture can change and when you've thought your whole life it was two heads, the new picture simply looks much more like a vase.
Irviner, (see, you're getting on the map, after all),
Care to share some of your epiphanies?
JA,
> or someone shows us a paradigm which fits better
Wow, that hits the nail on the head.
Irviner, you must have a very interesting life. But if everything is an epiphany then nothing is an epiphany!
BHB
before this moment, were you rational about Chazal superpowers or believed they did have such powers as laser beam eyes or flight?
> I would just hope that one waits for more than a few epiphanies before changing thier life forever.
I think that's the exact definition of epiphany, a real eye-opener.
> before this moment, were you rational about Chazal superpowers or believed they did have such powers as laser beam eyes or flight?
Happy, welcome back! I don't know if you saw my comments on your log. Got to run soon. But in answer to your question, I was selective in my attitude towards midrashim. I never believed things like a bird flying over a Tanna's head burnt the bird. My reason for that was simpply how come it was not recorded in Roman History or Josephus, and how come the jews were afraid of every one.
It's funny that I never applied that kind of thinking to Exodus. How come it was not recorded in any other histories.
But that's a legitimate position not to take every Midrash literally. I had full faith in Sinai and TMS.
Shabbat Shalom
Irviner,
To me, that sounds like emotion, not epiphany.
(1) : a usually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something (2) : an intuitive grasp of reality through something (as an event) usually simple and striking (3) : an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure
If it happened frequently to me, I would stop and wonder what's going on.
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