"And must I now begin to doubt
Who's never doubted all these years"
- Javert in Screenplay - Les Miserables
Ironically, it was on a flight home from Israel, when I tripped over to disbelief. It was really like a bulb coming on, where everything that I had read, suddenly and without warning, just tipped the scales of my mind. Like a see-saw where my life is in perfect balance and someone got off the other side and I went crashing to the ground.
Here I am, somewhat middle-aged, coming upon this crisis of faith. I guess I had the typical reaction, but I don't really know. I remember thinking how unfair this is. After all, anyone coming across this information, in the exact sequence as I had, would definitely come to the same conclusion that I had. I'm pretty certain now, that is not completely accurate. There are different levels of incongruity that people can live with.
The words of Javert came to mind. Someone firm in moral convictions can suddenly see things differently.
Several years later, I came across a tale by, IIRC, Isaac Bashevis Singer where a Rabbi on his deathbed undergoes what I went thru.
I wasn't dying, but I knew my life had changed forever.