What's good for the goose is good for the gander

Rabbi Maryles, bemoans what happens to the MO youth when they send their children for a year of learning in Israel. He claims it's unfair to the parents of these children who sign up for one thing and get something else.

Rabbi Maryles: And that’s not a good thing. It is in essence a high-jacking away from the parents of their child’s education. It is an indoctrination of Charedi values and ideals that most of these homes do not have and do not want their children to have. In some cases they can be weaned from that Hashkafa to some degree and can be convinced to return at least somewhat to their original Hashkafos. But in some cases they can’t and there have been some real big family disruptions. Many parents suffer great motional pain because of it. Parents who have invested many dollars in their children’s education, sacrificed many years of time and effort... truly having experienced Tzar Gidal Banim, now see a product they barely recognize.

Most parents just throw in the towel after a while and just go with the flow. They do after all love their children. But they did not raise them, the way they turned out to be. And that is just plain unfair.

Check out this brief interaction we had on the topic:

Baal Habos: I can not say I dis-agree with you, but would you apply the same criticism to organizations such as Aish that target secular youth and steal them away from the values their parents have instilled in them?

Rabbi Maryles: I don't like the idea of stealing anything. And I do not approve of such tactics. Also you are comparing Kiruv of secular kids to indoctrinating children already Frum into a Charedi Hashkaa... 2 different animals.

Personally, I don't see a difference:

Baal Habos: You show Bias here. You label one as Kiruv and the other as indoctrination.

From a parents perspective it's the exact same thing.

As a matter of fact, the change from non-frum to Frum is exponentially greater than that of MO to Chareidi.

What's the difference? The difference is that with Secular kids turn Frum, you see them as coming closer to your sense of norm. With MO kids turning Chareidi (Ch"VSH) you see them leaving your sense of norm. You are not being consistent.


Rabbi Maryles: No. I realize that in a sense both are indoctrination. And I admit to bias in this respect. I am biased to making Jews observant by use of various Kiruv methods as long as they are not underhanded. To me it is infinitely important for someone to go from being a non observant Jew to being an observant one... of any stripe.

But once if you are observant, then it is unfair for others to sway you away at a young and malleable age, from the the Hashkafos of your parents.

So there you have it. A distinction without a clear reason.

At least in this Ed is consistent, with his usual biting sarcasm.

ED:Tzaar Gidul Banim.

Their children are getting more frum.

Their children are getting closer to God.

Oy. Oy. Oy.

My eyes cry for these parents.

*Tears of joy*

He believes God wants us to be as Frum as possible.

But Ed, I ask you, how would you feel if your children went to Eretz Yisrael for a year and came home "closer to God" as say R' Arelleh Chasidim? or Neturai Karta? And what if members of a different faith tried to hijack them away from your well thought out training. After all, there are those that believe Christianity is a step closer to God.

So wouldn't it be better for all if there's no attempts at indoctrination at all?